Since my girlfriend has kids, I spend a lot more time around kids than I expected to at this age. One of the things I've realized is that I'll probably end up as one of those dads that shows strangers his baby pictures. Since I don't have baby pictures to show y'all, you get the next best thing

1. Scene: On Our Way To Dinner

   Kids: What Does Your Shirt Say?

   Me: I Only Date Crack Whores [see the T-shirt here]

   Kids: Mommy Isn't A Crack Whore.

   Me: I'll Go Change My Shirt

   This explains why my girlfriend made me throw out my I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that T-shirt. I'm guessing she forgot about this one.

2. Scene: Playing Video Games with one of Their Friends

   Me: I'm too old to play games with you guys

   Kids: You're not old, you're only 28.

   Kids Friend: You're 28? My mom is 28 and she likes black guys. You should marry my mom.

   Me to girlfriend: Should I tell her mom she said that?

   My Girlfriend: No. Dummy!